She is...

... hard to define. 

I've been mulling over how to explain what the past month with L has been like.  And, I am not sure if there is an apt metaphor for it. 

At the beginning of the month, she had a crisis of confidence.  Or, that's how I see it now.  She fainted in chapel, and drew a tremendous amount of attention, then became tremendously embarassed. 

Her teacher, her principal, her dad, and a friend who is a school psychologist and I have worked to re-build the scaffolding on her confidence.  It sounds simple put that way, but the school psychologist said that you don't know you are confident until you're not, and the first time it happens that you lose confidence, you don't yet have the tools for rebuilding. 

But, such tools are the ones L will need all her life. 

Oh, this parenting is tricky, so tricky. 

I never imagined the day that my girl would refuse to stay at school, insisting on coming home.  And, we let her because there was nothing else to do.   The girl who lives here loves school.  She wouldn't keep her head down and refuse to engage with classmates and teacher.  She wouldn't become ill and weep at the thought of having to go.  But, she did. 

We've worked it out slowly, with lots of patience (which you know isn't my gift).  We made it through the first chapel, with a lovey, with L practically crawling into my skin, with a plan discussed ahead, and without standing up a single time.  

Three weeks later, we still have a plan, but it is simpler. 

The joy about school is back, and this is big.  The chattering to and about friends is back.  

Still, out of the blue, she'll be intimidated by something she can't explain.  It happened on Tuesday.  We picked up our car pool friend, and we went on.  For some reason, whatever worried her passed. She had a fine day.  I was glad to have pushed her on out the door, even though it was hard. 

Oh, this tricky, tricky parenting. 

I wish I could hand her confidence like a gift-wrapped package.  But, it isn't that simple, at least in part because it is so formative to learn for yourself.  

eeek. 

Comments

[Christine]

So, so true. And so hard.

[Cousin Julie]

We have the same thing here with little C. He is afraid of heights. It does that alot of patience. and Momma and Daddy to stay calm. That is easier said than done. I tell you.

[Kendra]

That is tough, J. We have had a few of those moments here as well, and it caught me off guard since S is so much like L as far as school goes.

The most recent, she broke down because she said that everyone turns and stares at her each time she answers a question. She interpreted this as the kids thought she didn't know the answer or that what she was saying was wrong. We figured out that she sits in the back row of carpet squares (furthest from the teacher), so naturally everyone turns around to look when she is speaking.

Anyway...I have a feeling this is a continuous process that will never really have an end. My own mom would tell you that she worked on this with me forever, and it really took until college to make some progress. Of course everyone is different. I wonder if you'll see a big difference with the boys...